pms

i'm in a horrible, horrible mood. which im going to blame entirely on hormones, and cold showers, and the destruction of 50 euro notes. today was a shite day, and it was snowing, and for me to be having a shite day on the same day as its snowing is quite an achievement. in all honesty the idea of being able to talk to ant at the end of it was pretty much the main thing that kept me ticking over this afternoon. he's really great =] we even have the same favourie dessert! and it will become uncomplicated in time and then it will be fabulous, but in the meantime we just have to wait and see what happens. that kids are all fabulous, J is having a funny five minutes and not listening to a thing anyone says and im finding it really difficult to handle..the babies are also being amazingly cheeky and their understanding and speech is really coming on, its amazing. its also fabulous to be able to know what they are talking about, for example M can say sausage, but i doubt if he said it to anyone that isn't in the house they would have no idea what he was talking about. it is truely amazing to be a part of that.

i haven't written in a whole week. this is scandalous, and mainly becuase i've spent all my time talking to ant. who has now gone to the shop...i just paid my art class off for this month, which makes me feel at least like i achieved something today. i took joshi to sea-life, but it was so so cold! its like -15, and its supposed to get colder..it cant get any colder.. we had no water this morning because the pipes in the house froze!!! sea life was pretty damned cool. but my camera took it as an appropriate time to run out of battery, i think it just got too cold. we're going to berlin at the weekend. so excited!!!

free falling.

im feeling too lazy to update this, so really this is a post about how lazy i am feeling. i had the baby monitor last night, and spent most of my night just listening to breathing coughing babies, i think it was some kind of instinctive thing. wierd really. went to see alvin and the chipmunks today =] very funny.

grapefruits.

today for the first time i ate and enjoyed an entire grapefruit. which is..amazing. and proves that even now my tastes are changing, which is quite a funny thought. today its not snowed again, but its gotten cold, and so the snow is freezing, which means that we have just like a foot of ice. and where the winds picked up its being blown across the road again. ayla was over this afternoon, we played a little bit in the snow, but the babies didn't really like it. i need a new term for them, i think when they're climbing on tables and escaping from their cots they no longer can be called babies. but i also cant call "the boys" becuase J is also a boy, and there needs to be something to differentiate them from him.
today i started :
writing the ultimate shopping list
shopping for nappies online
allsorts of other things that i dont have the time to write about becuase im going to sleep.

during the day...

i think of all the things i can use as blog titles for that evening, and then when i actually get to writing it i cant remember what they were. i tried to funk up the blog. however as you can see this failed, and it now looks worse than it started off looking. goes to show that you shouldn't try to fix what isnt broken...
it was payday today, which is nice, and armin took my car to the garage and the heating etc is going to get fixed, which is also cool. because its not funny when its -15 outside and your car heater doesn't work.
i've just spent some time googling sleep cycles and things, i did a sleep test and it told me i had sleep issues. i dont think i do, i just dont think i have a regular sleep cycle and that is something that i need to have to function properly.i hate typing on this keyboard, it gives me cramp. and the only way to avoid this is to have it miles away from me, which means that i cant see it and have to wear my glasses, which i generally ditch in the bathroom before going to bed.
im going to set myself a little challenge to go to bed at a certain time and wake up at a certain time everyday for a week and see what happens on the energy levels front. im also going to eat no more chocolate. or sweets, and im going to try go for a walk/swim everyday. actually even in writing that i know that its too ezcessive for my poor little head ro be able to manage and that even going to bed on time is a big big deal for me.
the igloo is still standing!!!
this was going to be a really short post. similar to yesterdays to convey that fact.
M can say sausage in his own little way, which is very very cool. they're all getting so grown up!
J in the bus on the way back from kindergarten announced that he had a fingernail attached to his finger, and then asked if the little boy walking down the road was real, becuase he didn't want him to be real. i love the things that come out of a three year olds head.

today i...

...made an igloo. it's still snowing. i don't think i need to say anymore.

sauna,snow,sauna,snow,sauna,SNOW ANGEL.

so today it snowed all day and it was very exciting. whats also very funny is the fact that the snow ploughs appear to have given up, which makes it allthe more exciting when you go for a walk, becuase you genuinely have no idea where the road is or isn't. like, you'd have thought it was obvious. but its really not when everything is really the same colour.
this evening we fired up the sauna, which was awesome, becuase it meant that we could all chill out this evening. and the snow made it even better, becuase it meant you could run out the door and freeze your arse off. or just make snow angels..


We can't really go anywhere at the moment, well actually i guess we could try, but you know. probably not a good plan.
armin filled the fish tank with snow, so that joshi can eventually choose some new fish, and we can have a pretty fish in the corner of the playroom. instead of the phirannas, which whilst they're pretty cool, they need to live in a dark dingy tank i think, which is a little bit naff in the playroom.

i went for walk with J, and he nearly got blown away. it was amazing, the wind and the snow, it was like having thousands of tiny icicles blown at your skin.
SO SO COOL!
I'M totally in love with the weather <3

the one that got away?

today its like mega snowy. its well funny because the snow plough keeps going back and forth, but by the time its coming back the other way everythings all snowed over already. and julie and armin got stuck in the snow and had to get rescued by a tractor and then had to abandon the car and get rides home with the tractor.
anyway, there was this guy. and he ... was georgeous, and in all honesty, fufilled all the criteria my perfect man would posess. but then i never had a serious conversation with him and left the country. oh and he had a girldfriend. but you know...thats irrelevant. for now he is my one that got away.
the weather here is amazing. and cold. and windy. so windy. and i love it =]
today i made
cookies
fudge
cupcakes
erm...fishfingers =D

1 minute...

to post this blog, put my computer away and turn out the light if im to go to bed when i aimed to. never going to happen right?
im very, very evidently out of touch with the uk music scene. im pretty convinced thats a good thing. 30H!3 - Starstrukk?
It snowed all day today, it was quite magical really. I <3 the SNOW!
Apart from driving in it, which today i managed to doddge like a bullet.
I think either my boobs are growing, or my favourite bra shrunk, which is bad, bad times and makes me very unhappy.I'm trying to get my flickr account up to date but in total honesty im actually finding it very hard to use, and my computer tends to be mega slow when im using it.
so eventually we might get there.
played out in the snow with B this afternoon, which was really nice, becuase he was in such a great great mood, compared to the other three.
:O 5 minutes past bedtime! i'd best be getting to sleep. although in all fairness i did have an amazingly long shower with my new body shop body scrub ;) and then i painted my nails, and my toes. and smothered myself in body butter. so if i'd have just had a normal shower then i'd have been ontime =]

ice, ice baby.

today it is icy. really really icy. and driving on the ice is not fun. and i was genuinely the most scared i've been in a very, very long time this evening, and am amazed that i got back in one piece, thanks to my phenomenally (slow) driving. when i got to luebeck, i sat in the car and burst into tears, it was totally not funny. aside from that i had a fabulous day. we made cookies this afternoon!

 

 

 

a little bit in love with life itself.

so its late, and im feeling philosophical, and also immensly proud of myself for having kept this thing going. i might mention this on a fairly regular basis. but never in my entire life have kept a diary like this for such a long time. it takes 21 days for something to become a habit. and as of the 1st of january i have been here for 5 months, which is much much more than 21 days. i dont know how many days it is though. i reckon it works out as me writing every 2 or 3 days?

i LOVE <3 the snow. no matter how long it takes me to get anywhere. i love the excitment of it being so cold, and the fact that you have to put gloves and a hat on for fear of getting frostbite.

i LOVE these children. and this family and where I am right now. of course there are times whens its difficult, or the days are long. but things all happen for a reason. which i kind of half believed in before now. but if anything could have been perfectly matched to me for this year, this would have been it.

i have taken over 500 photos. in less that 5 days. i think my computer might soon have something to say about this behaviour if it continues.

and i would love to write more. becuase my head is whirring. but im going to try and sleep, and then mabyecome back and finish what i have to say if i cant sleep becuase its bugging me.

i get tired, messed up and bored when imm alone too long

I cant sleep, function or eat when im not with someone.

None of the above are actually true, because as it happens i rather like to be alone. Today i got a nikon d5000 it's a very nifty little piece of kit and i hope i can get some truely wonderful shots with it. This evening im exhausted, the plan is to go to london tommorow. But i really dont want to and wish we didnt have to. I just want a break. Really this week hasn't been a break, so maybe i will book a last minute flight to somewhere hot at some point and just go lie in the sun for a couple of days without feeling the need to do anything. This trip has left me feeling a bit too happy and comfortable being at home again. I think its becuase everyone is home from uni and so its just like summer all over again. Yesterday i ran out of underwear apart from my little black bag of party pants. Which contains a few...not really there pieces of underwear for underneath dresses and things. So i had to make a life changing decision. Commando vs. Thong. It was truely one of the most unpleasant decisions ive had to make in a good while. In the end i went thong becuase it was better than having nothing on at all. It was surprisingly not nearly as bad as i'd anticipated, but i also have no desire to do it again in the near future. Im very tired and should go say goodnight to ayla but am a bit too lazy to get out of bed. My eyes are literally dropping. I love this space because it gives me time to have a good ramble mainly to myself.very very close to dozing off so im going to stop there. Saw laura and jade this evening. Bumped into peter and also went for dinner with jenn rhiannon and caroline. Its very icy on the roads tonight so went the whole of about 30 mph the whole way home. Went to tesco to buy an indian for dinner. Bought 11 pounds worth of bonjella because there is no dentinox. Found a sleepsuit. End of today.