so i am sat in bed. alone. Mr G is on the night shift. its cold. and lonely. and im dreading tomorrow, which is not good, because so far I don't think there is a day where I have dreaded waking up in the morning to work. I'm undecided as to whether this is because of my new attachment to the gentleman. or because the pill i'm taking is making me grumpy, or because things are genuinely coming to an end for me here and its time to move on.? i am really confused by this. and i hate the feeling i am feeling. but who knows, maybe tomorrow won't be a bad day..

whatever. we'll see.

up bright and early! as ever. gerrit had to work at 6, which meant his alarm clock went off at half past four. ouch! at least i get to go back to sleep afterwards...

i think finally the getting up thing is getting less painful, but its taken literally months adjust. but i think its also more to do with the fact that because he now also has a job we both go to bed at a reasonable time of night. sometimes ;)

we had our first snow the day before yesterday, and its supposed to continue through the week, and the bus has still got its summer tyres on. whoops! hopefully thats not so much of a problem just yet...

trying to keep up to date and failing.

had i mentioned that i am head over heels for the boy? and have no idea what to do about it, especially as i'm no-where near convinced that he's anywhere near head over heels for me. which honestly scares the crap out of me.

i'm in a really weird mood this morning - incase that excuses anything i write.

i'm cross, and confused. and just generally feeling like an unpleasant person :p

but im going to get dressed and go downstairs and hope that the little people put a smile on my face. but at the same time he is down there. and then my brain is over-ridden by some other supernatural force and i may not be able to just enjoy being downstairs.

j's gone to the uk for the weekend. which is good, because hopefully she'll come back feeling a little better. i miss my mommy though, and wish i was there instead. i think in the new year im going to home for a few weeks. and then i need to decide on a date where i no longer officially am working here. im thinking end of april is reasonable. and then its a question of what i do to make money, do i go home? im kind of leaning towards doing just that. when i told j i was going home for new year there was kind of an irritation in the response. that annoyed me.

80 days

So I decided to read through my blog a little bit, and decided that there were some fairly significant events that I have missed out.

But the main one is that for the last 80 days, I have shared a bed with the gentleman that was making my life a little bit more difficult. and he's still cute. i can also add 1 - to my number of encounters with the male species.

a week in scotland

a weekend in munich

a night in st. peter

i have never been so unsure of myself in my entire life. but ce la vie. better to have loved and to have lost, than to have never loved at all. maybe i'll read this when i get my heart broken and see sense....?

i had a sinus infection, followed by a chest infection, followed by a tummy bug. i have been more sick in the last month than i have been collectively in the whole of the rest of my life. i got offered a job as a children's ski instructor down in bavaria for a month in the new year.

1. so, today i gave Gerritt my converse, which i'm convincing myself was sensible, because they are definitely not lady like. and made my feet look like clowns feet. Now aside from the fact that I have room in my cupboard for another pair of shoes, like the amazing red stilettos that I know are sitting at home for me, he looks even more gorgeous, which makes life a little bit more difficult. He also said 'thank you for giving me your man shoes' in English. and entire sentence, I was genuinely astounded. so cute!

2. i think i should do some kind of summation, i don't know of what.

we can start with...

amount of german learnt: 0%

trips to berlin: 2

trips to hamburg:...finally more than 2

trips home: 4 ( i think..)

encounters with the male species: 0

encounters with....creepy crawlies: more than i could ever imagine

and now my list is exhausted

3. E. E. Cummings (1894-1962)

i like my body when it is with your

1i like my body when it is with your

2body. It is so quite new a thing.

3Muscles better and nerves more.

4i like your body. i like what it does,

5i like its hows. i like to feel the spine

6of your body and its bones,and the trembling

7-firm-smooth ness and which i will

8again and again and again

9kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,

10i like,slowly stroking the,shocking fuzz

11of your electric fur,and what-is-it comes

12over parting flesh....And eyes big love-crumbs,

13and possibly i like the thrill

14of under me you so quite new