nearly 100 but not quite.

a lake has opened up in the field opposite, it's very very cool, and very, very big, and all the wild birds come to to it, so it's also getting quite noisy. it has not snowed for at least 2 days now =]
i have a new shower curtain, its lovely lovely. and has kicked off all my wild plans to pimp my bathroom.

grey's anatomy in the bath

becuase thats how everyone should watch it.

like a virgin you're Madonna.

Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains
I knew I wouldnt forget you and so I went and let
You blow my mind
Your sweet moving
The smell of you in every single dream I dream
I knew when we collided youre the one I have decided
Who's one of my kind

Hey soul sister, aint that mr. mister on the radio stereo
The way you move aint fair you know
Hey soul sister I dont want to miss a single thing you do,
Tonight

Heeey, Heeeeey heeeey!

Just in time I'm so glad you have a one track mind like me
You gave my love direction
A game show love connection we cant deny
I'm so obsessed my heart is bound to beat right
Out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you like a virgin your Madonna
And Im always gonna want to blow your mind

Hey soul sister, aint that mr. mister on the radio stereo
The way you move aint fair you know
Hey soul sister I dont want to miss a single thing you do
Tonight

Well you can cut a rug
Watching you's the only drug I need
Some gangster Im so in love
Youre the only one Im dreaming of, you see
I can be myself now finally
In fact theres nothing I cant be
I want the world to see youll be with me

Hey soul sister, aint that mr. mister on the radio stereo
The way you move aint fair you know
Hey soul sister I dont want to miss a single thing you do
Tonight

Hey soul sister I dont want to miss a single thing you do
Tonight

if you eat nothing, you'll just die.

a quote from J yesterday, I love the way in which a three years olds brain works, its soo logical! and just funny. today we made cookies, and . . . changed bed sheets, and did not set one single foot out of the house.it wasa grotty day, yesterday it was a whole 7 degrees outside! which is pretty cool seeing as the night before it was about -7, it felt like summer, you could walk around without a coat, and without 100,000,000,000,000 layers of clothing on underneath your normal clothing, i cant wait until i no longer need to wear socks, and then i will not have to wash so many pairs of socks, today i did....9 loads of laundry, and i didnt get through it all. it was immense. yesterday i took J to the beach, after we had spent the day in luebck, bribed by mcdonalds, and ice cream in the eis cafe, and a run along the beach in his slede. we had a small falling out on the beach, which went a bit like "well then faith, you can stay here all by yourself, and you can sleep here and im leaving" at which point i decided i would tell him i was leaving and that didn't go down very well. its quite difficult to explain to a 3 year old, that the beach can be dangerous, especially in the snow, without making them shite scared of ever going in the sea again.
for our art class we are doing a travelling exhibit for the schleswig holstein musik festival, which is very cool. and i just signed up to write an article monthly for a magazine called nannies helping hand. oh and i got a pay rise. and...it still bloody snowing. and the babies have now all had their immunisations. and and and. im going to get my ear pierced. and i watched yes man! which was quite cool, and i think im going to say yes more often, although to be honest i rarely ever say no to anything at the moment, except joshi or the babies....

i'm quite positive...

...that the Germans are the only people on this entire planet that would ever sell single postcards online. I find this amusing.
Anyway, no sooner have I not updated properly about Berlin, am I back from Hamburg, with more tales and no time to tell them. My Daddy came on Thursday night, stayed here for two nights, and then we went to Hamburg for the weeked. It definately gave me the need to go back and get more. As an art student you can get free entrance to the Hamburger Kunsthalle, which is very, very cool. And its about a 40 minute drive, with all day parking for about $10. I never realised this before, but I'm still working on the premise that everything happens for a reason, and thus not having been has meant that I spent 6 months getting to know Luebeck well, which is a good thing. And now I have somewhere new to explore, and a bit of motivation to get out there and do some real things. Also, I saw the stoner/bedhead blokey from Cole Street in the Kunsthalle, so I text Dave, and turns out he missed his train, and was thus also in Hamburg, so I gave him a lift back, which meant I wasn't alone, and had some decent conversation. And had less time to mope about Dad having left. So we went for another stomp on the Alster in the dark, although all the tents and bits were gone, which was a bit of a shame, becuase it could have made for a fantastic night life.
But it is also a Sunday night, in Germany, which leaves alot to be desired on the nightlife front. Yesterday we did a bit of shopping, I tried on about 30 pairs of jeans (more like 10 really) but none of them fit, and it was really annoying, so we gave it a miss, and went to the bar and had drinks instead, and then went for dinner at this little portuguese place, where I had the BEST STEAK EVER. Definately the best piece of meat I have eaten so far this year. Then we plodded back in the snow, and hit the pillow realtively early, which is something I need to start doing here, but today i needed to update the blog :) and i can go to sleep in my clothes because they need to go in the wash anyway (i thought i had picked up a change of shirt for today, it turned out to be a pair of shorts, which is this weather is not really a good things). This morning we had a bit of a lie in, and then plodded out into town, moved the car to the tiefgarage at the kunsthalle, and went to Vapiano for lunch, where I had a caesar salad, and dad had some funny BBQ beef pasta thing. And then I had a Panna Cotta and it was fabulous =] Then we... went into the kunsthalle, where if you can prove that you are an art student you get in for free. Looked at all the bits and bobs, only insignificant works by the likes of Cezanne, Picasso, Monet....Warhol and Jeff Koons. It was all prettty cool. We managed to somehow sneak into the Pop Life exhibition through an underground passageway. We went for a walk down to the Rathaus, which is very pretty, and definately gives our town halls something to aim for in the architecture department. went back to the car and drove to te airport and then just hung out there until it was time for dad to go. and now im sat in bed, missing him already, and hoping mum and christoper are having a fantastic time in MEXICO. I was flicking through Dad's passport, and we all went to Mexico with Malachy today nine years ago. =]

some days...

i feel like..crap. just with me, not with the world or anything. but just i look like crap. and i need to do something about it, and i have this kind of warped view on me, becuase i have this fabulousbody (perhaps not to look at) but it does marvellous things, and is healthy and allows me to walk and run and see and hear and ...live. and then it looks like this blob. i was just looking at some photos of me from earlier today. and its just horrible. and new years eve, when i was wearing this fabulous dress and shoes and everything, and i just felt like total crap. which is sad, becuase everyone is love your body and blah blah blah. and i do. but its not aesthetically pleasing. at all. and i would like it to be just for my own sake, so i can stop winding myself up about it. but at the same time, i dont have the will power at the moment to do anything about it, and in ths weather what can i do? i cant run, or really walk at any speed becuase the ground is just shite
and i could eat rabbit food and things. but all the time if im nibbling, which i seem somehow to always be able to excuse. it has got to freaking stop. its driving me insane. just every now and again. and then i get these little flash moments of inspiration where its like, i could look fabulous when i go on holiday if i really stuck to something, becuase i have the time to change it. but i have tried and tried and its not working, and i need to find something that freaking works.

aside from the above rant, my daddy arrived this evening, and my mommy and brother are on their way to mexico to stay with magy for a while. its all fabulous! here it has snowed more, and its just everywhere and cold and i now cant wait for spring/summer/warmer weather, even though i am enjoying the cold.

M is out of hospital, and ... everything else in the world is good, except for the minor issue of my self-loathing.

well that was easy.

two immensely long posts in one go, and i didn't even have to type anything...
although they're so long no-one will ever read them. thats ok as well. =] i will one day read this. maybe at the end of the year i will print it off and somehow turn it into a book rivalling the nanny diaries..

er today M got admitted to hospital, becuase he got scratched by S, accidently, but it looks infected, so now he's on IV antibiotics, and so him and Julie are holed up in hospital together for the evening. I will go up again tommorow morning after I have gotten J off to kindergarten. We went in the morning to one of the social projects that sells furniture, and wondered around there for a bit. i bought some $5 ski's :P with the intention of using them, but then had no boots and no sticks and spent my afternoon in the hospital so it didn't really go very well. and then we took M for his doctors appointment, where they told us he would have to go into hospital for at least 3 days until it clears up.
and sooooo we went to the hospital, and sat in the waiting room, and then they took his temperature, vaccinated him...weighed him etc etc and then they put his IV line in, and i'm not squeamish, but he was screaming and screaming and screaming and it was horrible and there was so much blood (really it was a tiny amount)(but from a tiny person, i deemed it to be alot) and hen the room was too hot, and i just was like a little withering heap, so i back into a corner in a bid not to faint. i have conlcuded that this proves just how much i care about said little people. even if i didnt need to prove it in any way shape or form.
so then...we went to the canteen, becuase there were no beds, and ate currywurst mit pommes, and then....i went home and picked up joshi from christa, who was an angel and looked after him for the whole afternoon. and then invited me in for cake and coffee, which just about saved my life.
so then back in the bus, and took joshi home and built a bag of things for julie and M for the night, which reminds me i need a list of things to bring with me in the morning.
then...trekked back up, via mcdonalds to get julie a burger (i was very good and had nothing!)(but had by this point had two pieces of cake today)(which means no more cake for another two weeks)(one piece of cake a week) and we got a free mug that says zuckersusse - sugarsweet, its very pretty. and....then i stopped and got some petrol, and a lipbalm for julie, which incidently i forgot to give her, but will give her tommorow.
and then went to the hospital, where m was just waking up from a very restfull sleep. and just cuddled and chatted and hung out for a little while. and then....drove home again.
and now i am sat on my bed, very cold with a headache and very close to going to sleep =]
i WILL do a proper update on berlin when theres not so much going on (which will be never..)but i will!

offline blogging. #2 From...6.2.10

Ok, so carrying on. Because once again I have nothing to read, despite the fact that i am sat in my room, i just haven’t look to be perfectly honest. And i also have no internet connection, so I thought now (Saturday evening) would be an appropriate time to update this, the date is...the 6/02/10.

I thought I had ditched my cold, but I’ve got a huge amount of pressure on my sinus’s that I cant seem to shift and it’s quite uncomfortable, I also have my mid-season sale but cannot get online to see how much Buscopan one should be taking...so I will take one now and one in the morning, actually no, I will sleep on it and see how I feel in the morning. I feel like I need to talk to Ellie to make sure she doesn’t disappear from me forever, I also need to talk to Jade, and make sure she doesn’t disappear forever, but at Laura just got on the England womens squad, which is pretty damned cool. =]=]=]
The weather here has not eased up, there is still at least a foot of snow on the ground, but my igloo did fall over yesterday because it was so beautifully sunny. Just like the babies, they are also beautifully sunny. They are so amazingly beautiful and smart and funny, that sometimes it totally overwhelms me, even though they are not my children. . . That two people could have formed 4 such perfect inquisitive little bodies from love alone is truly amazing.
It was Hannah’s birthday today, she was..5 I think. We got her a “little miss naughty” t-shirt, and I made her a little cupcake tower, which was kind of cute. I spent all evening making chocolate cupcakes but they were very very light and fell to pieces in my hands so I think I will have to make some kind of dessert with them. It is now midnight and I am going to sleep, but promise that one day, I will get round to writing a proper update regarding Berlin =]

offline blogging. #1 From...4.2.10

i have been having internet issues. and so i have been blogging to a word document, which was,very,very exicting but i still never got round to writing a proper update on my berlin escapades.

so blog part I:
I hate that you cant record thoughts straight as they come out of your head. Like in my art class my head was just running with thousands and thousands of things, and now I can’t remember any of them.
So we will start with...here and now. Here and now I am sat in Cole Street, but the table that we normally have is reserved as of 10pm. Which personally I think is shit, because we come here every Thursday and they guys were fairly sure that they – being the people that work here had it reserved for us already...And then the last time we didn’t move because no-one appeared to come and claim said reserved table the grumpy waitress was all “Shame you didn’t move” – How FREAKING GERMAN?! Anyway. I like this corner, and thus unless someone expressly comes and asks us to leave I don’t think it should be expected that we do so...
It’s snowing on and off at the moment – just a note to keep the weather covered!
Erm the streets are shit, but not as shit as they were in Berlin, which is good because in Berlin they were actually lethal, i fell over twice! There’s a really cute couple sat next to me, and its ridiculous. Last night I had a dream involving...water, and Chinese vampires....

So a group of us from NING got together to go to Berlin last weekend, it was really great. The fact that I actually got off my arse and did some planning and bits to get something done was great and something that I’ve not done in quite a long time..
I left the house Friday night at about quarter to six, after having stayed up to clean my room the night before until 4, and then working all day. Can we say STUPID? And COFFEE? In the same sentence...STUPID COFFEE. I like it =] stupiddd coffee. So yes, I was stupid, and consumed vast amounts of coffee to keep me going down the autobahn in possibly the most hellish conditions I’ve ever driven in...even worse than the drive back last time, because in that weather you still have relative control of the car, when it gets icy you relinquish all control you may have ever had.
One day this deserves to be published as a book, maybe not just this year, but a collection of things, stupid things/normal things/ just general things that I do over the next [insert amount of time here..]
So I got to Luebeck at about half past 6 on Friday night, I then needed to fill up with petrol and check my tyre pressures, and about an hour before I left the house it decided it was an appropriate time to snow. But like properly snow... so the sky turned yellow and the roads turned slushy and the traffic also turned to mush. We finally left Luebeck to then take a wrong turn [entirely my fault] which meant that we were then going in the wrong direction with about 22km to the next junction where we could get off and come back down the other side [still snowing] so we finally hit the road in the right direction about an hour after having left the centre of Luebeck... we then got stuck in various jams, mainly due to the weather, or accidents related to the weather, or the autobahn being ploughed because of the weather. All in all our 8 HOUR journey time, can be blamed entirely on the weather xD, and none of it was my fault. It have never been so tired driving in my entire life, although saying that I don’t think I have ever driven for that long in my entire life, considering I didn’t even pass my test a year ago. I have to say this is the life I imagined myself living in more 5 years time than now, but hey, what’s 5 years?! It also means that maybe the desire to sit in lunges and bars and just drink coffee or talk to people, or in this instance make offline blog entries, will entirely leave my system and I can get on with the partying and hooking up with people that the general population of people my age seem to be doing. Instead of sitting and socialising with pHD students, post doctorates blah blah blah, most of whom are over 25. I have to say though, they’re great company, and can hold a proper conversation. This makes me wonder whether the way I was brought up leaves me to desire this, or the level of education I have already had, or just the quality of my education, or is it a combination of all the above?
Anyway, BERLIN!
I will finally get to the point here, I promise.
We arrived in Berlin at about...2 in the morning or something stupid, by the time we had parked the car by the Motorola offices and gotten the U-Bahn into town and then figured out where we were staying, woken up Carlo, settled in etc it was about 3. Breakfast was served until 10, which really wasn’t bad at all! It was a good breakfast too, and included in the price, I reckon If you’d have gone anywhere else to eat, it would have been at least $5...and considering we only paid $18.50 a night for our rooms, it was a pretty good deal, not to mention the fact that there was a U-Bahn station LITERALLY out the front door.
Some people have come and sat on the couch opposite, so I used my very best German to tell them that at the moment there were no more people, but more people will eventually come. Darren has just arrived so I should probably close the lid and be a bit sociable, although I find him quite difficult to socialise with. I think its probably because he is THAT much older and THAT much cleverer.

today i mustered all the effort i had to make fabulous cupcakes...they're cute, i still need to update on Berlin, but I am too exhausted..again. =]

we were here.BERLIN II

So trip #2 to Berlin is complete, this time I went with some of the guys and girls from the NING group. Left Friday evening, when it decided was an appropriate time to snow, and returned Sunday evening, when it also decided was an appropriate time to snow...driving to Berlin in the snow and back = 13 hours, instead of the estimate 5 and a half...never again in the winter I don't think.

This is from a friend of a friends blog, made me want to really make something..

Rethink Scholarship at Langara 2010 Call for Entries from Rory O'Sullivan and Simon Bruyn on Vimeo.

But at the moment I am feeling like total shite, to the point where I have spent most of the evening not knowing what to do with myself and thus sleeping it away. This is just a brief interlude in the sleeping thing. I wanted to feel like I'd done something consructive today, apart from sleeping,bathing and showering.
Tommorow If I'm feeling a little better I will spill the beans on Berlin part II.