home!!!

so im home. which is ace, becuase i needed a bit of time out, and some time to just chill out and to be able to eat christmas dinner without having to chase small children. dont get me wrong i love it, but its nice to have a break also. im a little bit ill, which really, is a miracle, becuase i've survived every single kindergarten bug going so far this year, but its ok becuase im not sick, just a little bit under the weather as we brits would say. today we had chrismtas, which was awesome, because i love our christmas tree.
im exhausted and going to sleep.

it's christmas!!!

incase you hadn't realised...so i just spent more than two and a half hours cleaning an my room is still not clear. although in all honesty i think even if i'd have had all day it still wouldn't be tidy. but it is hygenically clean.
i had a last blast at the christmas shopping today, and printed off some photos, which i now dont know where i put, which is silly becuase they're fabulous fabulous photos if i do say so myself.
i bought myself a new blanket, some cushion covers and a fitted sheet. oh and a cocktial maker...
i would like to invest in..
layered bedding set, just blankets and sheets - no duvet
a nice little bathroom set with a soap dispenser and toothbrush holder kind of thing, jazz things up a little bit...
i most definately have not wrapped all my gifts..which in all honesty is shite.

santa's coming in a whirly bird

a fabulous song - gene autry, should anyone (by that i mean no-one becuase im fairly sure that no-one actually reads this) really want to listen to it - which i would recommend you did.
today it was not as cold, and it didnt snow, although it was forecast with 100% chance of snow so you'd hope something would come from that. rumour has it the south of england is suffering a bit. which personally i've always found funny becuase the whole country stops when it snows. here it just kind of plods on and does what it can, but at the same time we all have winter tyres and shovels..

i just watched the holiday, which is.. very christmassy, and probably perfect if you're loved up, which i am maybe a tiny bit. but we're in different countries...and it just left me feeling a little bit deflated...and lonely, even though theres so many people in this house its impossible to be lonely. currently there are...8 people, soon to be 9, and 5 dogs...

matress wrestling.

i spent about half an hour trying to get the matress back under my bed. and if matress wrestling was a sport i would have one. clearly a sport one partakes in in their underwear, becuase anything else gets in the way. it was genuinely a stressful experience. i was reading someone elses blog yesterday and i have come to the conclusion once again that mine is not particularly inspiring..but at the same time it is a diary of this year and so it doesnt have to be inspiring as long as i write down what im doing..
today it snowed a bit more, it was really lovely this morning, we went to a tiny little christmas market, that actually was a little bit crap, but they had some really interesting stuff, the only problem being that it was literally -15 degrees and the barn wasnt heated, and even with layers and layers on, it just wasnt comfortable to stand and look at things.
i made some christmas cakes with ayla yesterday, and i made some little loaves of bread and... made some "drunken apples", basically apples cooked in some kind of liquor, and we've made some really lovely little gift sets for presents. im quite proud of myself i have to say, its all very country bum.


and so an update in the realms of my social life, went out thursday night with the ning people, which was cool, it was just a small group of us, there was no room at cole street so we went to this other really cute tiny bar down on the river. it had a sparkly ceiling AND strongbow, i mean what would be better. oh apart from the fact that the barman was also hot.?
everyones pretty much gone home for christmas now, so no more until the new year which is ok. mr im going to fuck with your head is back fucking with my head, but ..i kind of told him where to go, which im very proud of =] and im trying quite hard not to keep thinking about a certain someone else, which i think is also a good thing, becuase he's most definately the nice guy in this equation, i just have no idea that things would work out with him there and my being here. i spoke to my mom earlier after i had struggled with the matress and she was making all sarcastic comments about who i had had sleeping on my floor which was pretty funny, but sadly there is no-one sleeping on my room, and if they were they probably wouldn't be sleeping on the floor...

ok so i got mega distracted. i was going to come home and go to bed, but then i talked for ages and had a bath and blah, and now all of a sudden its past three in the morning. but really i had a great night. and so its all worth it. infact i had a damned fantastic night. and it snowed all afternoon. so im just happy happy happy =]
so driving in the snow....is quite something, i had an absolutely banging headache, and snow coming at you in a blizzard like fashion, whislt you're trying to deal with this headache, and drive really carefully becuase its icy, is just not cool. i felt sooo dizzy! i hope it snows more tommorow!

well im a little bit tired, and cant really be bothered with this..but i feel i should make the effort becuase its been a whole five days. my mom went home on monday, and i scurried to my german class, and then home. tuesday was our arty day, which was good and very cold!!! after my mappen course i went into town and got some beads and wire so that i can start to make a dent in christmas presents. . .today we went shopping, did the market, ordered our turkey, and bought our ham. we also bought pomegranetes, which in german are called grenade apples :P having some...boy issues again. well not really issues, just thoughts i suppose, and i dont really know what to do about them, so at the moment we'll just see how things go...

i hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

so today was my mommys birthday, and we did some girly shopping and then went to the ostsee therme, which is like... a giant sauna complex with some pools and jacuzzis, but mainly just saunas. however in germany/most european countries, people do this naked, and in most places it is actually compulsorary to be naked. now personally..not game for getting naked and prancing around but i figured i could manage it in a towel, which seemed to be quite acceptable..and once i had gotten over the fact that everyone was naked (oh yes, my first exposure to any kind of naked men)(yes i know im naive)it was actually quite pleasant and i had this kind of glowy feeling going on, and it was just nice, and i would definately go back again.
we then went out for dinner at the remise, which was really lovely. im trying to be good, so that i look fabulous in the worlds most amaing black dress that i possess, becuase i have quite a few, but in my opinion this one is perhaps even better than my ballgown, but i could do with losing a couple of pounds to make it look even more spectacular. so i had a salad and chicken strips, mum had pasta with gorgonzola sauce, and julie had a rump steak, which was secretly what i wanted, but im trying to use a bit of willpower, just until the new year. this does however mean that i am going to have to be quite controlled over christmas, which i suppose is ok...
i need to get my arse into gear on the christmas presents front, but i have made a little bit of a start over the last couple of days.

today i am filled with this kind of hunger...not like food hunger, like i just am feeling really inspired and ..i dont know. i feel a little bit like, im beginning to settle into my skin, and realise that you dont have to be a size 8 or 10 to be radiant. i went out this evening, and wore heels, AND lipstick, and i didnt feel the slightest bit seld concious, in fact i felt fantastic, i think im a bit at peace with me. which is nice..

i wish...

that i had the stamina to face days like these and still be standing at the end. becuase today the second i got home, i passed out on my bed.
now there is a home phone downstairs, and there is one up in my room. this morning at about half past 5 ths phone started to ring. so for a bit i thought i was dreaming, and then i figured someone else would pick it up, and then finally, i concluded that actually no-one apart from me could hear it, and thus i should answer it. i could hear both mobiles going off downstairs, meaning that no-one had taken theirs to bed with them, and that they couldn't hear them. before when i was describing the house, its certainly big enough that you cant hear the phone in the lounge from the bedroom.
so...karina wasn't coming. now she normally comes at 6 to do the morning shift until 8, to buy me a little bit of extra time in the morning. so i trapsed downstairs and decided to make a cup of milk (very sophisiticated) and contemplate my options. and then the babies started crying. so i went and got them all up and dress, and then they toddled a bit around the lounge. armin came in and sorted out what he could sort, got julie up and then went to work. julie called connie who said she could come at 8.15, which was very very kind of her. this meant that i could go to the thatre with j as planned, to see the frog prince, which was very very cute, as was the prince himself :P i followed christa, to get there. j decided that actually he didn't really want to be there, and so sat for the vast majority of the time asking if we could leave, i think it was more that he'd 3 and thus not so good at the sitting still for a very long time issue. so then we toddled home, he went to bed and the afternoon went relatively normally. the babies decided that it was a good idea to sleep in ... intervals, so like one baby slept at a time. which meant that i could not put my head down, not to metion the fact that j had hit the pillow as soon as we got in, and then woke up screaming that his ears hurt, which was a bit frantic becuase he went to the doctors yesterday and he said his ears were both ok. so we'll see how that one develops.
i was going to say that i hadn't intended this to be a total essay, but actually i felt that it would be good for me to have a good bang away on the keyboard until my eyes started to droop again, becuase i've already slept for about an hour.
julie came up with the idea that it would be really cool to photograph my laundry, which i think is a good point, becuase at this moment in time it really looks quite spectacular. its about...2 foot high and all folded into like a little triangle, a bit like a pyramid. its all quite precarious.
and so now... im going to check my order on crabtree and evelyn, and then im going to sleep.

she's a beauty queen.

erm i should be asleep. but...
my washing stand broke
i went to german
the babies went to the doctors
i had exciting things to write but now i cant remember what they were
i love the picture at the end of my hall that makes me look like a goddess, all the time, even when im in my pyjamas.everyone should have one!

happy st. nikolaus

a tradition served by germans, generally to make children behave as far as i have discovered, today i made more minced pies, and a minced..tart, and yorkshire puddings. im slowly going to become a culinary genius!
the pastry was made in the god that is the kitchenaid =] i could just slice stuff with that machine all day!

still trying to get my head round..

alot of things. like i was never going to be this person in my masterplan. im sure theres about 20 posts about how things have not turned out like i planned them to, becuase if they had i would be in my first year of a degree in belfast. i mean how wrong could i have been? and where am i going to go? seriously i have no idea how im feeling now, let alone how im going to feel tommorow. or what im going to do next year. i had his marvellous art degree plan, but i cant really see that happening either. today i:
roast my first chicken without any adult supervision whatsoever
made saltdough christmas decorations
im sure i did something else exciting but i dont remember what it was exactly...

sooo this is our sexy kitchenaid. its weighs about a million kilos, and makes fabulous pastry, and so today i made minced pies, whipped cream, and awesome salad and a salad dressing, seriously i could spend all year using it.
dont really have anything exciting to share today, my evening has been..a bit surreal..

it takes more this time.

i am...melting down slowly? thats not to say im not happy, becuase i am. but im still a bit in limbo about virtually everything...today i got a big big box of stuff from my lovely mummy and daddy. it consisted of..
lots of clothes
tescos shopping bags
shoes!!
paxo
oxo
blutack
tampax
more clothes
he's just not that into you
my scarf is not in the box, which is kind of the thing i was most looking forward to..
would you believe that the germans dont "do" the above items, i mean how can you have christmas without paxo???
today it was really cold and frosty and generally quite cool, it was very pretty and i took some lovely pictures. i was going to have a bath but the water was cold and..as going to clean my room but then didn't...

Life isn't just about keeping score.
It's not about how many people call you
And it's not about who you've dated or haven't dated at all.
It isn't about who you've kissed,
What sport you play,
Or which guy or girl likes you.
It's not about your shoes or your hair
Or the color of your skin,
Or where you live or go to school.
In fact it's not about grades, money,
Clothes, or colleges that accept you or not.
Life isn't about if you have lots of friends or if you are alone,
And it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are.
Life isn't about that.
But life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It's about how you feel about yourself.
It's about trust, happiness, and compassion.
It's about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance
And building confidence.
It's about what you say and what you mean.
It's about seeing people for who they are and not for what they have.
Most of all it is choosing to use your life.
In a way that could have neverbeen achieved otherwise.
These choices are what life's about.

I'm reading chicken soup for the teenage soul at the moment, and this is a lovely little quote =] but i cant find anything that says who its by..

"this years loving...

...better last, heaven knows its high time, i've been waiting on my own too long."
So I hve concluded that I will in about 29 days time, have remained entirely single for another 365 days. to be frank im getting a bit bored of this game.
however on a more exicting note, this is my 50TH POST!!! I never in a million years expected myself to keep this one going...so not my style. or i guess at the moment it is. . . also its the 1st of December, so now its ok that i've already started decorating, even if my decorations don't look particularly christmassy..i like them =]
tonight i went to art, by that i mean i very nearly didnt go to art, i sat in my car, made a phone call, walked up and down the river, walked into town along a dark unlit alleyway(alone. genius i know.) walked back, by this time about half the lesson had passed and i challenged myself to go in, becuase it would have been so much easier to just get back in the car..

this evening B puked on me, and its not even like little baby sick anymore, its more like normal sick. although to be honest it didn really bug me, it just makes me feel a little bit helpless when i cant do anything for him. on my way into town i was passed by 2 fire trucks, 2 ambulances and about 3 police cars, it was quite terrifying.

POST 50.POST 50.POST 50.POST 50.POST 50.POST 50.POST 50.POST 50.POST 50.POST 50.