i feel like having a massive blog session

i know i already left one tonight, but today my head is reeling and so im going to write and write in a bid that when i've stopped i can sleep in peace.

and now i've finally stopped doing everything else i cant actually remember what i was going to write. i had an awesome chat with laura this evening, who is at home and this makes me a little bit sad becuase she will be gone by the time i get back. chocolate keeps appearing, like smudges of it on my bed covers, and in all fairness i iced a cake with it earlier but i cant find where its coming from...but i dont appreciate it becuase it means i have to do more washing, and i already struggle with my washing. no-one warned me that doing your own washing was a big deal, at home i helped with it, but i never took sole charge of it.

i kind of feel at the moment that everyone is going to get to where i want to be sooner than i am. like i never in a million years pictured that i was going to be *the* good girl, and the one to lose it last out of all of us, but i guess i always have been. i've never smoked pot, or even a cigarette, but i have gotten mindblowingly drunk on several occasions, thats not particularly rebellious. the most rebellious thing i've done in the last week is a U-turn. I'm such a wild child. i feel a bit like i dont know who i am. and i also feel like the ucas deadline is coming around again particularly quickly. which kind of obliviates the whole point of taking a year out to think about things becuase in reality you need two, one to recover from the last round, and a second to figure out what the hell it is you actually want to do. you step outside of the educational bubble and voila there is a world that you've never actually looked at because you've been jammed into a tunnel.

sometimes i wonder what it would be like to be someone else for a day, or for a week. someone who is ... i dont know, really pretty. or really talented in something. now dont get me wrong i dont mean this in a depressing i hate myself way, becuase i really dont. at all. but it would just be interesting to have a mind blowing figure for a week. the ability to pull off any outfit and wear outrageously girly shoes. thats where i would like to be in 5 years time, i would like to be truely arted, i would like to being wined and dined and wearing fabulous clothes.

its taken me more than a week to read a book, it never takes me that long to read a book. it wasn't even a bad book, infact it was a very good book. "Beating about the Bush" by Linda Taylor. It's a good girly sit in the bath kind of novel, nothing thats going to make you burst into tears. At the moment I am translating p.s I love you, from german to english with a notebook and a dictionary, becuase i think i will learn alot by doing so. yes i know i can purchase it in english, but thats not the point. Is it really sad to be looking forward to being able to go into the paperchase at waterloo station? and to go to marks and spencers? maybes thats what i will spend my afternoon in london doing before i go home, and then i wont need to do it when im home, and i can just chill out.


I dont actually remember writing that, but it was in my drafts from a couple of days ago when my head was in the clouds...