so there is this friend..

and if she's reading this, she probably knows who she is, and if she is reading this then she should know that i would like to be able to say or do something to help her, and that i've been thinking of her alot the last couple of days.

katherine is leaving tommorow, which is always a bit sad becuase i very very much enjoy her company, this evening we danced to really naff school disco songs like...saturday night fever, the hand jive, we did not manage the macarena..but did have a litle swing to cotton eyed joe. we had a really lovely dinner and then sat up talking, and discussing life in general. we have discovered that generally people still ask for a smartie mcflurry and not a mcflurry with smarties. we also found it very amusing that even at 24/25/26 we are refering to gentlemen as boys. . .

"i dont really like the pope..."

my german teacher is very very funny. today she was talking about how she didn't really like the pope.
this evening i socialised properly for the first time in months, with people from many different countries. so there was;
carlo - the italian phd student
dave - an irish phd student
darren - an american blokey whos just finished his phd
christiana - a german who speaks both english and spanish
a lovely girl from kazakstan whos name i dont remember - a medicine student
diego - a blokey from colombia
a guy in a yellow shirt whos name i also dont know - nooo idea about him at all.
it was very very nice indeed =] and it was also in a bar that i've wanted to go in for ages but haven't becuase i didn't want to go alone...

catchups and countdowns..

so the last time i wrote..i think i'd just gotten back, and that means its been a good few days, which probably means an awful lot has happened.
soo sunday..i had a lie in, by that i mean J shouted up the stairs that it was time to wake up, and that he wanted to see me, and having abandoned him for a week it was only fair to go down and say hello, so i did just that in my pyjamas.
monday..we went shopping in CITIPARK, which was nice, sent of the portable DVD player to be fixed and then spent about an hour salivating over technology in the big technology shop. Did a quick shop in ALDI picked up Josh, did babies, and then went to my German class. And then get this, I socialised. It was very exciting! Accompanied by the italian PhD student in my class, we trawled the Christmas market, waltzed the streets of Luebeck, I learnt all about the devil statue infront of the church. He thought that they were building him a wine cellar, but actually it was a church and he got very cross and threw some stones. And then we moved the car to somewhere we didnt have to be paying for parking, and then and then and then we went the Mexican for dinner (dinner was his suggestion) I had a plate of Nacho's - they were pretty fabulous. And then when I went to the bathroom he paid for dinner :O absolutely scandalous. He then gave me his umbrella becuase it was pissing it down and i didnt bring a coat. Now who said chivallry was dead?
Dropped him home and then went back and veged on the sofa for the rest of the evening.
Tuesday - Art in the morning, babies in the afternoon. More art in the evening.
And finally today being Wednesday...
Got up... chased children, went in the garden with them, played on the swings a bit, drew with pavement chalks on the patio..came inside, ate lunch got quite tired quite quickly, went to bed and slept until about half three. I did the kindergarten run, which was marvellous amounts of fun, on the way there the fields were litered with dead deer just sprwaled on the floor where they'd been hunting, it was quite...ghastly really. I had a little cry and made sure I drove back another way so the little darlings didnt see them.
Lost 10 Euros somewhere.
Did a bit of drawing with Josh, built a ginger bread faliure house.
Fed and bathed the babies, put them to bed, and got on with the art jamming.
Drew a kitchenaid mixer, its marvellous, i will at some point post the description of all the things it does, which we had a good giggle at.
Now im going to edit some photos and then go to sleep.

now that she's back in the atmosphere...

so i made it back in one piece. =]
i did not die trying to get across london, and made it in time to have fish, chips and cider in frankie and bennies before i wandered around the shops. it did however mean i spent about £15 more than i needed to, but it was good.
i keep having little .. stresses, which is very very unlike me, becuase normally im extremely chilled about everything. but i find myself really worrying, and working myself up about not very much, even when part of me is going "this is really irrational".maybe it was just the stress of getting across london in time to get on the train.
J was at the airport with Armin to pick me up, I nearly put my bag on him until i realised there was a baby asleep in the baby seat. it was very nice to see him, he seemed very small though, maybe just becuase of his maturity i dont see him as being as small as he actually is.
you will be pleased to hear that the star situation has rectified itself. and by "you" i dont think anyone actually reads this apart from me, so i personally am very pleased that i can now see the stars properly.

the stars at night aren't as big and bright as you make them out to be .

one thing that i have really noticed, is the fact that the sky is so orange here at night, and you cant see anywhere near the number of stars you can see back in germany. its like someones taken an eraser and rubbed them all out.
i deleted all traces of the guy who was messing with my head, removed him from my facebook, and wiped his number off my phone. im quite proud of myself, but i thought i would feel a little bit more jubilant about it.
i never thought i would be this girl.
i never thought i would be the one to chase the bad boy, when theres is a perfectly, wonderful good guy around. never. but i dont think anyone can argue with what you're feeling in your heart. hopefully that feeling will now quickly subside, and things will fall into place.
did a spot of shopping with my mommy today, i bought..nothing actually, i didnt spend a single penny. actually come to think of it thats a lie, i had a shakeaway =]
back home tommorow, not looking forward to my cross london treak :/

closer to where i started..

boys=emotional rollercoaster. and im fairly sure at the moment its not even worth it, but i cant help it. god knows i've tried. i even deleted him from my msn.
other than that, i am enjoying being at home, and just having a break. we went out for lunch to zizzis which was nice, i had a steak funnily enough, and it was very good =]
and then we went to look at the round table to kill some time
and then we discovered the waitrose has popped up in winchester, yes you heard, waitrose!!! woot!
and theres also now a kath kidson, and a joules, and zizzis, and i feel like i missed out on quite alot the last couple of months.
we went next door for dinner, which was very nice =]
im missing the babies and joshi today, seeing everyone waltzing around with their prams and not having one. although im not missing them as much as i thought i would, but i think its becuase im making a conciouse effort to try and not...

my bed, is not really my bed

which im going to have to do something about, because my room used to be my sanctuary, and at the moment i feel a bit like a stranger in it. fair enough my stuff isn't all there, and im not there most of the time, and whilst my parents wouldn't say that its still mine,its just not quite all together.
today i made my surprise visit home. the looks on my parents faces were priceless, i got mums on video.
im feeling awfully confused this evening,
i swore i never needed a big house, and now im back from my big house, and the house that i grew up in, and that has for 18 years been so perfect, seems almost like a dolls house. its surreal, and slightly odd and sad and im cold and ahhh.
i need a pair of socks, but at the moment cannot be bothered to get out of bed and get them, i will do so when i get up to get the phone.
headfuck boy is headfucking all over again, even though i swore i wouldnt let him.
i had an epic cross london journey in a bid to get to winchester, having changed trains at..stansted, tottenhamhale, vauxhall, clapham junction and basingstoke, i thik 5 changes is quite impressive..
my darling brother didnt have his phone on, so i called beth, who had a bit of a go for calling from germany becuase it was expensive, so i explained to her the situation and we went to macdonalds.
i then scoured the charity shops, saw thomas, went to the pub and consumed my first cider for 3 months...
i found some pretty fabulous books for next to nothing, which was very excting! and i bought the bbc good homes magazine, becuase secretly we all love the bbc good homes magazine.
i saw alex and rupert and te boys, and chris and sally, and then we walked to the shop and bought a pizza and some chicken nuggets, and it is nice to see that the shop people are as grumpy as ever. . .
and now im lying in bed absolutely K'O'd and its definately sleep time.

fairytale gone bad

just becuase im listening to the song, the fairytale hasn't realy gone bad, infact its rather good.
today i came down early, and we came to a compromise that if i did babies in the morning, then i could go shopping in the afternoon, so i did just that. M had the screaming abdabs for about half an hour, and i could not figure out what on earth was wrong, he didn't want anything i had to offer, apart from calpol...and then eventually he calmed down and had some lunch. i took B shopping with me, which was cool, we ran around the karstadt restaurant, he was fascinated by the glass panels in the lifts, so we stood for ages just watching them go up and down, we ate cake and then went to the book shop, which was pretty cool becuase there was a slide. what genius came up with the idea to put a slide in a bookshop? they should be awarded a prize. he did alot of walking which was very cool, i think though that we need some baby reins!!!
we went to the supermarket, and then to another supermarket, and he stayed awake the WHOLE afternoon, and only went to sleep in the car on the way back at like 8..
i got him home, and being superawesome i managed to take everything off him, change his nappy, put his sleep suit and his sleeping bag on, and keep him asleep. now i deserve a prize =P
now im going to put in an order n amazon =]

i wonder what tommorow will hold =]

this evening i feel .. not good, i think i might be getting something, but tommorow morning i had planned on going into luebeck on my own for some retail therapy. but now i feel yuck and so i probably wont. i would very much like to go up and ride my bike on the beach, so maybe i'll do that instead, it would be a damnsight cheaper than going shopping...and better for me, but is also totally weather dependant. today we had our first homemade yoghurt, which was very very exciting, i bought a 2.5 kilo batch of stawberries to flavour it with, very exciting indeed!

nothing quite like almost running over a reindeer as a reality check..

so this morning i set my alarm for half past eight to put my heater on for an hour before i have to get out of bed, at half past nine. but i actually decided that it was warm enough, and the noise that the little fan heater makes, was too much to justify turning it on. then when it actually went off i put it on snooze for 15 minutes before deciding that i really did have to get up, becuase unless i wanted to look like a chip fryer i would need to wash last nights body butter out of my hair, which would probably take some time. went downstairs, handbag in tow, and off we went, until i went the wrong way, we had intended to end up in a little cute coffee shop, instead we ended up in the supermarket cafe, which actually made for much better sketching, as part of a new little project im doing with julie where basically we sit and drink coffee and sketch people of interest. we then we did a quick whizz round the store, and had a big palava with a mop handle, which was silly really. i bought some cotton wool, some conditioner and...some terracotta air drying clay for $0.49, which i have just made; two mice, one snowman, one house and a toadstool with. as you do at one in the morning on a friday.

today i went to my art class, where we are drawing sweets, today i drew mine to cover the page, in colouring pencil. and then to my german, which was good fun, although there were only three of us, and becuase of my art class i turned up 45 minutes late. my bad! plodded back on the schnell strasse (quick road), and then nearly hit a reindeer thing, so i slammed on my breaks at a million miles an hour and it turned around and went back to where it came from.. poor animal.

today when we got home from the supermarket i;
took a baby to kindergarten to pick up the kids
tried to diffuse the fighting over where said baby (N) was going to sit. this resulted in 2/4 children crying. never a good thing...
came home had lunch with everybody, even got the babies around the table, eating watermelon, as you do. they're at the age where throwing things on the floor is very, very entertaining.
put the babies to sleep
hoovered the kitchen and dining room
mopped the kitchen and the dining room
im not sure how i got to this-- but i decided that the cracks between the tiles in the kitchen floor where too dirty, so yes, i sat and scrubbed them with a toothbrush..cool i know.
i then polished the dining room floor with parquet cleaner, on my hands and knees
and then i cleaned each of the dining table chairs...upside down and inside out

whilst i was doing all these things our new yoghurt maker arrived, which is very exciting, becuase now we can make our own bread, and yoghurt. =]=]=]

just as we were getting ready to shut up shop for the night, the bucket with all the ingredients for the bread machine ended up on the floor, but becuase the floor was so very clean after all my wonderful scrubbing we scooped it all back in, reshaped the metal thing, and bunged it in. i then bundled all my stuff to the stairs, which i end up doing most nights. and did a few trips up and down them to get everything to where it needed to be.

then i landed myself in bed where i phoned my mommy and started to make a pig out of clay, but it couldnt do it, so i made two balls, stuck them together and called them a snowman =] oO

Fabulousness.

At what point do babies stop being babies?
I mean they're still very small, but they're very small little people, with stunning personalities, they're all walking, but not quite talking aside from the odd ma-ma-ma. I always assumed that babies became toddlers when they started to toddle, but really I think the babies aren't quite toddlers yet. . .
I want my blog to be fabulous, a little bit like this http://theprettyproject.com/, which is really fabulous and i just happened to stumble upon, which is quite ironic really, becuase the last post i left was about how i wanted to spend a little bit more time on me. today this meant that i did my nails, and i spent the last 10 minutes putting bodyshop body butter on my scalp in a desperate bid to stop it all flaking off in this delightful weather.
i've just reread what i wrote above, and if i really want this blog to be fabulous, then im going to have to spend a little bit more time being eloquent i think. I should also start to properly punctuate.
This morning I did the kindergarten run, in almost record time. Especially considering I left the cash for J's theatre trip in the bus and had to run back out for it. I cleaned his room until it sparkled, and put the babies down for their sleep, did some washing and tidied Julies drawers up for her.
Throughout the day I think of a million and one things that it would be interesting to write about, and most of the time I don't have the chance to write them down or anything, becuase I am right in the middle of doing whatever it is that I would like to be writing about.
Ayla came and we took 2xbabies and J out for a walk to see the cows, the third baby was with his godmother, which was nice. And when we got back, I was free as a bird :)

thermal underwear

i had made a pact with myself that i was going to be much more disciplined, i was going to start going to be early, and rolling out of bed more than five minutes before i have to be downstairs, this gives me time to sort out my hair properly, including a dose of hairspray to deal with the weather, which has turned a bit crap.
the mornings have turned into those horrid ones where you look outside and its raining and its cold and you really really dont want to get out of bed.
bacially my pact is failing, but i am eating more fruit becuase im a good girl.
and now im going to bed, 2 hours and 15 minutes after i had planned to :D

i feel like having a massive blog session

i know i already left one tonight, but today my head is reeling and so im going to write and write in a bid that when i've stopped i can sleep in peace.

and now i've finally stopped doing everything else i cant actually remember what i was going to write. i had an awesome chat with laura this evening, who is at home and this makes me a little bit sad becuase she will be gone by the time i get back. chocolate keeps appearing, like smudges of it on my bed covers, and in all fairness i iced a cake with it earlier but i cant find where its coming from...but i dont appreciate it becuase it means i have to do more washing, and i already struggle with my washing. no-one warned me that doing your own washing was a big deal, at home i helped with it, but i never took sole charge of it.

i kind of feel at the moment that everyone is going to get to where i want to be sooner than i am. like i never in a million years pictured that i was going to be *the* good girl, and the one to lose it last out of all of us, but i guess i always have been. i've never smoked pot, or even a cigarette, but i have gotten mindblowingly drunk on several occasions, thats not particularly rebellious. the most rebellious thing i've done in the last week is a U-turn. I'm such a wild child. i feel a bit like i dont know who i am. and i also feel like the ucas deadline is coming around again particularly quickly. which kind of obliviates the whole point of taking a year out to think about things becuase in reality you need two, one to recover from the last round, and a second to figure out what the hell it is you actually want to do. you step outside of the educational bubble and voila there is a world that you've never actually looked at because you've been jammed into a tunnel.

sometimes i wonder what it would be like to be someone else for a day, or for a week. someone who is ... i dont know, really pretty. or really talented in something. now dont get me wrong i dont mean this in a depressing i hate myself way, becuase i really dont. at all. but it would just be interesting to have a mind blowing figure for a week. the ability to pull off any outfit and wear outrageously girly shoes. thats where i would like to be in 5 years time, i would like to be truely arted, i would like to being wined and dined and wearing fabulous clothes.

its taken me more than a week to read a book, it never takes me that long to read a book. it wasn't even a bad book, infact it was a very good book. "Beating about the Bush" by Linda Taylor. It's a good girly sit in the bath kind of novel, nothing thats going to make you burst into tears. At the moment I am translating p.s I love you, from german to english with a notebook and a dictionary, becuase i think i will learn alot by doing so. yes i know i can purchase it in english, but thats not the point. Is it really sad to be looking forward to being able to go into the paperchase at waterloo station? and to go to marks and spencers? maybes thats what i will spend my afternoon in london doing before i go home, and then i wont need to do it when im home, and i can just chill out.


I dont actually remember writing that, but it was in my drafts from a couple of days ago when my head was in the clouds...

first stop...limbo.

i mean hello, what is going on in his little head? and why does whatever it is, have to be messing with mine? it's uncool, and certainly not fair.
today i am still as exhausted as i was yesterday, and perhaps a little more of an emotional timebomb..its good stuff this. i need a good dose of laura. and now all my blogs look all depressing and horrible, but at the same time in 5 years time i want to look back on it as things were, and today this is how things are. the babies are stil georgeous, and joshi is funny as ever, the boxes thing didnt turn out too badly in the end. we went for a walk today, i have several quite irrational fears
1. the babies being stolen my an eagle
2. being shot whilst out walking (its hunting season)
3. being attacked by wildboar
this walking thing is really quite risky business...
:D

i am exhausted.

mentally as well as physically. im going to go the full hog and write everything i think.
if i dont fall asleep first.
today i started at half 7, which really is quite reasonable. i just like to sleep, and stayed up talking to people. fi mainly, and someone else who is really beginning to screw with my head again. which actually has meant that for the last two days i have kept myself unbelievably busy in a bid to prevent this, but its not really working.
today i had my german class, i was in quite a cheeky mood, being in a room where everyone is at least twice your age has that effect on you i think. . . so i doodled and text and answered questions with silly answers. where is the plane faith? "under the house" i think it was an appropriate answer, we did alot of discussing the bible, and princess diana, and tea. and. . .alot of talking in russian, which i dont really get...funny that. i then went to the supermarket but couldnt find any baskets so lugged everything around with me. and then it was raining and ran to the car and went to maz bahr, like the german b&q to buy some wooden boxes. which turned out to cost twice what i thought they did and by the time id realised i had already paid and left, which is a bit shit really. i will sort that one out in the morning. and now im very very tired and going to sleep.

liver pate..

i am sat eating liver casserole. im not too keen on the whole liver thing, so im eating it with currywurst ketchup (for all those that haven't tried it, you really should!) so i cleaned my room, i even went downstairs to get the hoover, becuase mine is upstairs on the other side of the house in our art studio, but there is no door through from there to here. realistically its only probably about 20ft away from me here.
its been almost a whole week since i last wrote, so where do i start?!
its been one hell of a week, we had to take the babies to the doctors on thursday, which was supposed to be my morning off, and then friday armin was working so i had to be up early, and then saturday i had to be up to take my brother to the airport, and then sunday...armin had to go for an emergency dentists appointment becuase of something with his teeth. and then monday julie had to have an x-ray of her foot. and then today were went to our art class, and then came home, and then i went back to my second art class of the day, which was my first one of what appears to be the german equivalent of a foundation course. erm...lack of sleep. people messing with heads. and until tonight a messy room have made the past week a bit ... blah. but hopefully this week is looking up now that i cleaned my room, and my pin number for me shiny new german bank account came in the post, and...we bought tracing paper. and its nearly payday. :)